Dating after divorce might seem overwhelming and scary, but it doesn’t have to be! Instead, dating post-divorce can be a fun and exciting time, full of exploring new interests and taking full advantage of the fresh start. Marriage and divorce can also give you a unique perspective on what you want and need from a partner, so you make better choices in future relationships. In this post, we’ll go over our top six tips for acing the dating game after divorce.
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Take Time to Reflect
Before you jump back out there into the dating pool, take some time to think about your past relationship. Consider the things that went well and things that could have gone better. All relationships have those ups and downs, and sometimes being far removed from the situation can allow you to view it in a new light, examining angles you hadn’t considered in the heat of the moment. Be honest with yourself about ways you contributed to both the good and bad of your previous relationship, and come up with ways you can avoid making similar mistakes in the future. This time of self-reflection can give you insight into your strengths and weaknesses, help you develop a clearer picture of the type of partner you need, and clear up negative or resentful feelings you’ve been holding onto.
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Slow Down
When you make the decision to put yourself back out there, remember that it’s not a race. Meeting someone new who you are attracted to can be a whirlwind of emotions, and it’s easy to get carried away in the romanticism of it all, but resist the urge to move too fast. We’re often initially attracted to the same type of person we’ve been with in the past, which in the case of someone who is divorced, might not be the type of person we really need to be pursuing. Instead, give yourself time to explore options, meet various people, and step outside of your comfort zone.
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Find a Community Related to Your Interests
Instead of heading out to bars and nightclubs specifically seeking a date, spend your time exploring your own hobbies and interests in group settings. Find classes, support groups, and community events related to the things that already spark your curiosity or things you’ve always wanted to try. In these moments you will find yourself surrounded by those who share your interests, and this is often how the strongest connections initially form.
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Explore Online Dating
You may be inclined to avoid online dating entirely, especially if you’ve ever fallen down the rabbit hole of online dating horror stories, but there are many modern love stories that began online. Instead of avoiding the online scene entirely, curate the platforms where you look for love to those that cater to a more mature audience. That is, unless you are just looking for a hookup, in which case a Tinder profile will probably do the trick.
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Be Clear About Expectations & Boundaries
Speaking of hookups, let’s talk about expectations and boundaries. It’s very important to be open and honest with both yourself and any potential partners about what type of relationship you are looking for, if there is any potential for more than just a casual connection, and what areas are off limits. So whether you’re only looking for someone to hang out with on the weekends or ultimately want another spouse, be up front about it to avoid problems down the road.
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Enjoy the New Adventure
Dating after divorce should be a fun and enjoyable time, but divorcees often waste time being stressed about being alone. Instead, view post-divorce dating as a time to learn more about yourself, your likes and dislikes, and what you want your future to look like. Don’t get so caught up in finding a partner that you forget to enjoy the fun adventure dating can be!
exEXPERTS is a trust-worthy online divorce resource that was created with the intent of empowering and educating people touched by divorce so they can make educated decisions that will have a positive impact on themselves and their families. The exEXPERTS community consists of vetting divorce coaches, spiritual guides, licensed therapists, attorney, mediators, financial advisors, co-parenting experts and many others.