There’s a common misconception that people must go on a quest to “find themselves,” as if their true identity is hidden somewhere, waiting to be discovered. The idea sounds romantic—perhaps it’s buried beneath a new job, a life-changing experience, or a long solo trip across the world. But this belief can be misleading. The truth is, it’s not about finding yourself; it’s about building yourself.
Each person has the autonomy to create who they want to be. They don’t need to search for an elusive version of themselves hidden by circumstance or time. Instead, they can intentionally shape their identity through their actions, choices, and mindset. However, stepping into that creative power can be intimidating. Changing one’s habits, thoughts, and life path requires leaving the familiar behind. And while that can be scary, it’s also necessary for growth.
“Getting out of your box and trying new things is the first thing I recommend everyone do to start
embracing change. The mind is wired to crave consistency. Consistency and habits make us feel good by bringing stability,” shares Jaya Jaya Myra, former immunologist turned best selling author and mind-body wellness expert.
The Myth of “Finding Yourself”
The phrase “find yourself” implies that there’s a pre-determined, perfect version of you just waiting to be uncovered. It suggests that self-discovery is a passive process, one where clarity will magically arrive if you wait long enough. But life doesn’t usually work that way. Clarity comes from doing the work, from making intentional choices, and from leaning into discomfort.
It’s empowering to realize that you aren’t stuck being the person you’ve always been. You have the power to create new opportunities, cultivate new skills, and redefine what success and happiness mean to you. Your identity is not fixed—it’s fluid, dynamic, and shaped by your willingness to grow and evolve.
“Conscious character development,” a term coined by Jaya Jaya Myra, encourages an individual to evaluate their experiences and look within themselves to grow into who they desire to be. Her 501(c)(3) charitable nonprofit organization, Gita for the Masses, focuses on helping individuals examine personal beliefs and self-awareness for intentional growth.
Change Is Scary—And That’s Okay
Change is often uncomfortable because it requires stepping away from the familiar and into the unknown. Even when someone isn’t satisfied with their current situation, the thought of changing can bring fear: What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if people judge me?
These fears are normal, but they don’t have to hold you back. Growth doesn’t happen inside your comfort zone. It happens when you challenge yourself to take risks, confront old beliefs, and try new things. The discomfort you feel is a sign that you’re pushing your limits—and that’s where true transformation begins.
“Change by its nature is not stable and brings in an element of the unknown; in order to remove fear from the unknown, you have to experience it. The unknown brings the possibility of both good and bad experiences, but how you’ll relate to the unknown has a lot to do with how you relate to fear. More often than not, new experiences are good ones. The more you move into the unknown and have new, meaningful experiences, the more fear will dissipate, making any sort of change easier,” continues Jaya Jaya Myra.
Consider someone who has spent years in a job that no longer brings them joy but is afraid to pursue something new. Staying in that role may feel safe, but it also prevents them from reaching their full potential. By taking small steps—exploring a new career path, learning new skills, or networking with like-minded people—they can begin to build the version of themselves they want to be.
You Have the Power to Change
At its core, the journey of building yourself is about reclaiming your power. It’s about recognizing that you have control over your choices, your mindset, and your future.
You don’t have to wait for life to “happen” to you. You can take an active role in shaping who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world. Yes, it will be uncomfortable at times, and yes, there will be setbacks. But every step you take, no matter how small, is a step toward becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.
So, if you’ve been waiting for the right moment to start, this is it. You already have everything you need within you to begin building the life—and the self—you’ve always imagined. And as you do, you’ll discover that the real magic isn’t in finding who you are. It’s in creating who you want to be.